Throughout the years I’ve collected countless morsels of sweet insight into the shrouded mystery that is “being a woman”. Without the inspirational wisdom from my grandmother, mother, friends, and idols like Tina Fey I simply wouldn’t be the woman I am today. Come closer, friends, for today I’m going to share with the most prized gems from my collection of wisdom, the 6 secrets of thriving in a woman’s world.
Tan fat is prettier than pale fat. –Mom
Shallow? Maybe. True? You bet. If you’re not going to invest time in going to the gym, then you better be putting in time in bed. The tanning bed, that is.
A sugar-free life is no life at all. –Grandma
According to Grandma, it’s perfectly okay to eat the non-sugar-free pie at Pioneer Pies despite an upcoming, rather important blood test. The woman’s got priorities.
It’s okay to go out with a guy even if you’re not that into him. It’s like boy coupons. – Danielle Vinnedge
Let’s be honest. Whether we want to admit it or not, we’re all guilty. You may use the “maybe he’ll grow on me” or “it’s just casual” justification, but when it comes down to it he’s no more than a coupon in a Lacoste polo.
In a public restroom, always hold your feet up so no one knows you’re in the stall. – Alyssa Baker
According to Alyssa Baker, there’s actually an entire (mentally unpublished) book on bathroom etiquette, and this little tidbit would be the back cover.
It’s okay to spend all of your money on foundation if it looks good. – Mom
Me: I probably could have fed Ethiopia for what that makeup costs. I can’t keep it.
Mom: Do you live in Ethiopia?
Mom: Does it look good?
Mom: So, what’s the problem here?
True love is finding someone who loves you and your crotch biscuits. – Tina Fey
Crotch biscuit: the flabby triangles of fat between your thighs.
Want to help others through this labyrinth of feminine mystique? Share your own bits of womanly wisdom below!