What’s Up with All These Disney Remakes?

tumblr_nfapi3rfwx1qgwefso1_500

The Jungle Book. Cinderella. Sleeping Beauty. Beauty and the Beast. For the past five years, Disney has been in an experimental relationship with live-action fairytales that (as far as I can tell) has no end in sight. In 2015, Cinderella racked in $132 million globally on opening weekend. Try $294 million for The Jungle Book. Needless to say with figures like these, Disney has taken a cute from Queen Bey is about to put a ring on remakes.

But what’s so magical about a remake, anyway?

giphy

In high school, I did a lot of babysitting because I had no money and two X chromosomes. We watched The Lion King, Finding Nemo, Tarzan, the usuals. Every week, I would optimistically offer up suggestions for movies that I had loved growing up. The Aristocats, 101 Dalmatians, Snow White, Pinocchio, even The Jungle Book. After being shot down like Bambi’s mom time and time again, I finally caught on.

“That movie’s too slow.

“It’s a boring one.”

“No, that movie isn’t very funny.”

The next generation is a new audience with new expectations.

giphy2

But all hope is not lost. Many animation studios make the bulk of their profit from tentpole films, meaning movies with never-ending sequels like Kung Fu Panda 3, The Avengers, Shrek, etc. With the exception of Marvel and LucasFilms, Disney hasn’t relied too heavily on tentpole films in the past. Lion King 1 1/2 happened against our will, and yes, Pocahontas II disappointed audiences everywhere because apparently Mel Gibson is too good for sequels. But these were just home releases – a small boost, not a blockbuster.

But now the tides are turning. To stay relevant, Disney has three options. Generate new blockbusters (Frozen), reinvent forgotten classics (Pete’s Magic Dragon), or set up new tentpoles (Star Wars). While I believe all three are in the works, there seems to be a strong emphasis on creating forgotten classics with the goal of establishing new tentpoles.

Clear as mud, right?

giphy1

Basically, live-action remakes are low risk and high reward because fans already love the story. They’re also an easy (though expensive) way to reinvent old stories for young viewers, which will allow Walt’s legacy to stay relevant in the age of CGI. In short, it’s fish bait for your children. The craziest part? It’s working like magic.

So, what’s next for Disney?

According to US Weekly, “Other projects in the works from Disney, all set for release between 2017 and 2019, include A Wrinkle in Time, directed by Ava DuVernay; Jungle Cruise, starring Dwayne “The Rock” Johnson; Dumbo, directed by Tim BurtonMaleficent 2, starring Angelina Jolie; and Jungle Book 2, a sequel to the just-released live-action adaptation of Rudyard Kipling‘s book, starring Neel Sethi,Bill Murray, Ben Kingsley and Idris Elba.”

Notice how I put this in quotes because I was too lazy to research it for myself. Regardless, you can see that Disney is preparing for a tidal wave of live-action profit, that will hopefully position the company for years of financial gain and never-ending merchandise opportunitites.

Personally, I think this is excellent news. The possibilities are literally endless, folks! I am thrilled to see old Disney icons like Pongo, Belle, Marry Poppins, and Mowgli meet fresh, young eyes because these characters mean something to me. As they live on, so does a precious sliver of my childhood. Through these films, old dreams drift into the future. They are the Bing Bong to my Riley, the White Rabbit to my Alice.

tumblr_nr59x9h7tw1tj1myeo1_250

What are your thoughts on all of the remakes?

 

18 Better Names for Movies

We all know movie titles can be deceiving. Just look at Twilight. Does Bella meet Edward at twilight? Do they allude the evil Victoria at twilight? Does anything happen at twilight? No. So I got to thinking: wouldn’t it be easier if movie titles just laid it all out there? Just like Jenna Marbles made up better names for animals, I took the liberty of renaming 18 of your favorite movies. You’re welcome, and enjoy.

1. The Chronicles of Shovel Face and Vanilla

Twilight

2. Ignorance is Bliss

StarWars

3. RAPE RAPE RAPE RAPE RAPE

GirlWiththeDragonTattoo

4..  False Expectations

TheNotebook

5. Eagles: A Story of a Deus Ex Machina

LordoftheRings

6. Animal Hoarders

101Dalmatians

7. How to Lose a Girl in 500 Days

500Days

8. Anne Hathaway’s Boobs

LoveandOtherDrugs

9. The Boring Version of Lion King

Hamlet

10. Poor Decisions: The Musical

MammaMia

11.  Letting Go

Titanic

12. Grails Gone Wild

MontyPython

13. Size Matters

NuttyProfessor

14. Slutty Cinderella

PrettyWoman

15. Undercover Lovers: A Romance Pretending to be About War

Pearl Harbor

16. The How-To Spinster Guide

NeverBeenKissed

17. You’re a Deplorable, Soul-Crushing Monster

Food, Inc.

18. Oklahoma!

Twister

Oh, you’re feeling brutally honest today too? Then by all means, add your best renamed flicks to the list using the comments below. Who knows? You may be featured in the still-hypothetical Better Names for Movies Part II…