What’s Up with All These Disney Remakes?


The Jungle Book. Cinderella. Sleeping Beauty. Beauty and the Beast. For the past five years, Disney has been in an experimental relationship with live-action fairytales that (as far as I can tell) has no end in sight. In 2015, Cinderella racked in $132 million globally on opening weekend. Try $294 million for The Jungle Book. Needless to say with figures like these, Disney has taken a cute from Queen Bey is about to put a ring on remakes.

But what’s so magical about a remake, anyway?


In high school, I did a lot of babysitting because I had no money and two X chromosomes. We watched The Lion King, Finding Nemo, Tarzan, the usuals. Every week, I would optimistically offer up suggestions for movies that I had loved growing up. The Aristocats, 101 Dalmatians, Snow White, Pinocchio, even The Jungle Book. After being shot down like Bambi’s mom time and time again, I finally caught on.

“That movie’s too slow.

“It’s a boring one.”

“No, that movie isn’t very funny.”

The next generation is a new audience with new expectations.


But all hope is not lost. Many animation studios make the bulk of their profit from tentpole films, meaning movies with never-ending sequels like Kung Fu Panda 3, The Avengers, Shrek, etc. With the exception of Marvel and LucasFilms, Disney hasn’t relied too heavily on tentpole films in the past. Lion King 1 1/2 happened against our will, and yes, Pocahontas II disappointed audiences everywhere because apparently Mel Gibson is too good for sequels. But these were just home releases – a small boost, not a blockbuster.

But now the tides are turning. To stay relevant, Disney has three options. Generate new blockbusters (Frozen), reinvent forgotten classics (Pete’s Magic Dragon), or set up new tentpoles (Star Wars). While I believe all three are in the works, there seems to be a strong emphasis on creating forgotten classics with the goal of establishing new tentpoles.

Clear as mud, right?


Basically, live-action remakes are low risk and high reward because fans already love the story. They’re also an easy (though expensive) way to reinvent old stories for young viewers, which will allow Walt’s legacy to stay relevant in the age of CGI. In short, it’s fish bait for your children. The craziest part? It’s working like magic.

So, what’s next for Disney?

According to US Weekly, “Other projects in the works from Disney, all set for release between 2017 and 2019, include A Wrinkle in Time, directed by Ava DuVernay; Jungle Cruise, starring Dwayne “The Rock” Johnson; Dumbo, directed by Tim BurtonMaleficent 2, starring Angelina Jolie; and Jungle Book 2, a sequel to the just-released live-action adaptation of Rudyard Kipling‘s book, starring Neel Sethi,Bill Murray, Ben Kingsley and Idris Elba.”

Notice how I put this in quotes because I was too lazy to research it for myself. Regardless, you can see that Disney is preparing for a tidal wave of live-action profit, that will hopefully position the company for years of financial gain and never-ending merchandise opportunitites.

Personally, I think this is excellent news. The possibilities are literally endless, folks! I am thrilled to see old Disney icons like Pongo, Belle, Marry Poppins, and Mowgli meet fresh, young eyes because these characters mean something to me. As they live on, so does a precious sliver of my childhood. Through these films, old dreams drift into the future. They are the Bing Bong to my Riley, the White Rabbit to my Alice.


What are your thoughts on all of the remakes?



The Kite Angel

In college, everything revolves around a budget. The question is never “What would you like to do?” and always “What can we afford to do?” So last Sunday, when hanging with my best friend, I came up with a most brilliant, Mary Poppins-esque idea.


“Let’s go fly a kite!”

And we did. We ran up to Dollar Tree, bought ourselves two very rad, very cheaps kites, and headed for the lake. The glorious thing about Kites is that you’re guaranteed a solid hour of fun: 30 minutes trying to figure out how the heck a kite works and 30 minutes attempting not to nose dive. After nearly fifteen minutes of unsuccessfully tossing our battered kites to the wind, a most miraculous thing happened. The Kite Angel appeared.

Yes, friends, the Kite Angel. He was in his seventies, dressed in a yellow button-up shirt with a black baseball cap. He glided up to us, appearing from thin air, and in a very Field of Dreams fashion, whispered the three most helpful words I’d heard all week.


“Make a tail.”

Seems stupid, right? Wrong. After our kite angel had majestically limped off into the horizon, we decided to attach the tails we had left in the package. Being college kids, you see, we were afraid the tails would seem too childish, and we were only interested in flying adult kites. Sure enough, the moment we attached the tails, the kites went soaring.


It was smooth kiting from then on out. The Kite Angel had saved the day, and we entertained ourselves for 90 minutes on a meager $1.08 (with tax). So the next time you’re wondering how to spend the coins you found along with that Cheeto underneath your couch cushion, consider flying a kite. It’s cheap, it’s fun, and if you’re lucky, you might just catch a glimpse of the Kite Angel.