7 Questions College Seniors are Tired of Hearing

1. What do you plan to do after graduation?

I’m sorry, could you repeat the question?

2. Now, what are you majoring in again?

No, Grandma, I’m majoring in public relations. No, that’s not like DHS. No, it’s also not wedding planning. Or politics. Yes, of course it’s a real major! You know what, just tell everybody I Tweet for a living. I can live with that.

3. What big city are you heading to?

What a minute. What’s wrong with right here? Why am I moving? Do I have to move? Is it mandatory? Whose going to help me pack? How am I going to afford this move? What are this? SO MANY QUESTIONS.

4. Are you and so-and-so getting married?

If so-and-so and I do decide to get married, can’t you just find out from Facebook like all of our other marginal acquaintances? Come on, bud. Know your place.

5. What exactly do you want to do with that degree?

Smoke it. Seriously, what do you think I’m going to do with it? Try my hardest to find a job, like all the other bajillion recent graduates living at home with Mom and Dad.

6. Do you have a back-up plan?

Wait. Should I be offended by that?

7. Are you ready to be done?

 Okay. This one never actually gets old because YES I AM SO READY TO BE DONE.


Being a Modern Woman As Told by New Girl

Being a woman in the 2000s can be really tough. Sometimes,we cry over the smallest things. Like running out of Fritos, or cute puppies in little teacups.

It’s probably because we’re just so decisive about our emotions. Yeah, that’s it…

Aaaaaaaand because we may be a tad boy crazy at times. 1998 Britney Spears is to blame.

But that’s only because we know exactly what we want in a man. And that’s a good thing, right? Cosmo said it was.

Ultimately, we want to be taken just as seriously as men. The modern woman wants the equality of feminism minus the armpit hair because gross.

Which is why we pour our hearts into our school and careers and family and friends and pets and ferns and basically everything we ever come into contact with. Is it overwhelming at times?

Yes, it’s overwhelming – hence the need for a daily carb binge. No matter what you see at date night, we’re fatties at heart. That’s why we womenfolk love J. Law so much.

But even when we are feeling totally insecure and spazz-tastic and hopeless and scared…

We’re still perfectly happy just being our crazy, socially awkward selves.

P.S. If you’re a boy and you didn’t understand a thing I said…