1. What do you plan to do after graduation?
I’m sorry, could you repeat the question?
2. Now, what are you majoring in again?
No, Grandma, I’m majoring in public relations. No, that’s not like DHS. No, it’s also not wedding planning. Or politics. Yes, of course it’s a real major! You know what, just tell everybody I Tweet for a living. I can live with that.
3. What big city are you heading to?
What a minute. What’s wrong with right here? Why am I moving? Do I have to move? Is it mandatory? Whose going to help me pack? How am I going to afford this move? What are this? SO MANY QUESTIONS.
4. Are you and so-and-so getting married?
If so-and-so and I do decide to get married, can’t you just find out from Facebook like all of our other marginal acquaintances? Come on, bud. Know your place.
5. What exactly do you want to do with that degree?
Smoke it. Seriously, what do you think I’m going to do with it? Try my hardest to find a job, like all the other bajillion recent graduates living at home with Mom and Dad.
6. Do you have a back-up plan?
Wait. Should I be offended by that?
7. Are you ready to be done?
Okay. This one never actually gets old because YES I AM SO READY TO BE DONE.